awww young 90s love. how long were you together before you got married?
We were together for four years before we got married in 1999.
PICTURE IT — MADISON 1870 (well, really, it was 1995, but that’s pretty much 1870 for most of you kids)….
That summer I had been burned by a guy who I had a major crush (and been making out a lot with) and made the vow to get out of my own comfort zone and start trying new things. My mom had finally gotten Internet (DIAL-UP! 55.6K MODEM! WE WERE THE SHIT!) in her house that summer and I started hanging out on a friend’s BBS (if you don’t know what a BBS is, look it up).
The Mister was also hanging out on the same BBS and we began chatting online. Turns out he also went to UW-Madison and knew of a LARP I was interested in joining (I had never gamed before, but a guy in my theater class had told me about it and it sounded like fun), so we decided to e-mail and meet up after we both returned to Madison.
So school starts and then he invites me to a party at his friend’s apartment (A PARTY! MY FIRST COLLEGE PARTY WITH BOOZE!) and so I go. We meet face to face there and we get to know each other. It’s a good time. I have fun listening to him, watching him give me advice on how to drink shots and just hanging out.
I had work that night and he walks me to my workplace (at a convenience store, where I had the late-night, post-bartime crowd) and we talk a bit more. I bluntly ask him if he’s interested, he says yes, I tell him about the guy who burned me and we agreed to take it slow.
Apparently my version of taking it slow is waiting about 48 hours.
As a result, after the first week of the Vampire LARP I was in, I basically tell him I can’t stop thinking about him and I’m wondering what it would be like to kiss him.
You’d think that most people would be honored by this and get to smooching. You know what he did?
"I HAVE TO GO," he tells me. "I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO IN-GAME. I’LL CALL YOU LATER."
Yeah. Cue embarrassed phone calls to his dorm and leaving messages of deep apology to his poor, confused roommate. For I am nothing, if not dramatic. I figured I got rejected. But I also wanted to hear it from him, so I went to game the next night.
Anyways, the next day, we finish up game early and he and I talk. Which leads us back to his dorm room. Which leads to smooching. Which leads to A LOT of smooching to Depeche Mode. And some uncomfortable pants moments when his roommate returns.
And since then, we’ve been pretty much together. Sometimes being blunt and asking straight up if someone’s interested pays off.
But I feel the need to add that I don’t think that it was that night that meant happily ever after. What it was is that we have similar world outlooks and we let each other grow and change without stifling each other.
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine and I am so thankful that my bluntness paid off big time in this case.
And that’s how I met the Mister.
Like the anaconda which has eaten a piglet and is now passing out, I am tired. Had my mom over for Thanksgiving where we feasted on turkey, hung out, watched the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special and feasted on more pie.
Then we had friends over for our usual Friday game and one brought a HUGE-FUCK-ALL cheesecake. So I’m a smidge stuffed right now.
Usually around now I like to take a moment and reflect on what is going on in my life and what I’m thankful for — the kid also had us go around the table and say what we were thankful for during dinner. Like most folks, I’m thankful for the friends and family I have. I constantly look around and wonder how the fuck did I get so lucky and what the hell did I do to deserve this all.
Of course, I’m also thankful for other things that aren’t as deep and thoughtful, which I’m happy to list here:
Adagio teas — specifically Cara M’s Son of Coul tea blend, which is amazing for coffee lovers. That first hot cup of coffee in the morning. A good night’s sleep. My new laptop, which replaces the old one that is falling apart. Warm blankets. Fischata’s deep blue color that ends in red at the tips of her fins. Zen — even though she nearly bit off a popsicle stick when I gave her a shot. Community. Parks and Recreation. Amy Poehler. Aisha Tyler and her Girl on Guy podcast. Henry Rollins. Tom Hiddleston dancing. Chris Hemsworth acting like a doofus and taking nude pictures with his daughter. Cheesecake. Dark chocolate bacon bars. A good glass of wine. Scandal. Kerry Washington. Sleepy Hollow. John Cho and his ability to voice displeasure without a fuck given. Bamboo knitting needles and soft yarn. Sunny spring days. Being able to walk to school with the kid. Pantsless dance parties with the kid. Fun conversations on Twitter with friends I don’t see much. Retta. Chris Pratt. Nick Offerman. Home grown tomatoes. Sleeping in. Afternoon nookie where you don’t have to worry about the kid barging in. Sneaking off for the movies in the morning. A good book. A hot bath. Hot showers. Sharp knives. Soul music. Old school rap. U2. Justin Timberlake. The Roots. Having my sister be one of my best friends. Brilliant conversations with my best friend about a lot of bullshit. Elementary. Lucy Liu. Quiet Monday mornings when I have the house to myself and time to get shit done around the house. The slow-cooker for making overnight oatmeal. Madison — always my love. That my kid’s teacher is so patient with my daughter and her mouth. Dogs. Sweet kisses from my daughter. Hot kisses from my husband. Beard burn on the skin. Being able to write exactly what’s in my head and it turns out fucking awesome. Hitting the curve while driving without needing to hit the brakes. Coasting down hills in my car. Getting a good song in the car so you’re chair dancing while driving. A good bowl of noodles with ground pork and black bean sauce. Dumplings. Louis CK. Aziz Ansari. Idris Elba. Calvin and Hobbes. Friends who are online, but are just as close as the folks you see everyday.
All of these things are superficial, but seriously, sometimes it’s the superficial things that bring you joy in the world. And in this world, which can be shitty and crappy as hell, it’s nice to have something that brings you a small amount of joy in the world.
Due to a tornado watch and potential high winds, we’re not doing the thing I wasn’t looking forward to doing today.
Yayboo. I hate the feeling of letting obligation down. Or as I told the mister it’s not as simple as wanting to get out of it, given family obligation.
But mom was cool with it, so it’s all good.
Now to just snuggle under blankets and watch TV.
Me today for a variety of reasons I don’t care to detail online. Let’s just say I ended up in my bedroom crying and playing with the flipboard app as I said, “FUCK IT. YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT DINNER! WELL I DON’T EITHER! I’LL EAT LEFTOVERS!” in my head.
Tonight is me finishing folding laundry and sitting in the tub and drinking wine. Fuck today, and tomorrow is gonna be awkward also. Woo. Hoo.